


Secret Words

by minamiren



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Diary, Fluff, M/M, its really cute ok, just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 10:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2385200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minamiren/pseuds/minamiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The first of the three giveaway fics, this one for tumblr user <a href="http://suicide-douchebag.tumblr.com>suicide-douchebag!</a>"></a></p>
    </blockquote>





	Secret Words

**Author's Note:**

> The first of the three giveaway fics, this one for tumblr user [](http://suicide-douchebag.tumblr.com>suicide-douchebag!</a>)

You really, _really,_ did not mean to look in Karkat’s diary. Totally.

You didn’t even know that trolls kept diaries! You actually just saw a word written in Alternian on the cover, and opened it up to see what was inside. It wasn’t what you were expecting.

Actually, you were expecting a lot of Alternian gibberish. You’d learned the letters as part of your school, but you were still severely lacking when it came to actually understanding—much less speaking—the language. However, the words had been in some mix of Alternian-English, with the letters in Alternian but the words in English.

Karkat was still in the other room, talking to his lusus about the fact that you would be spending the night tonight, and he could not come barging in at three in the morning because he thought that you were an intruder. You think. You actually just heard a lot of clicks and screeching from Karkat’s lusus, and a mixture of Alternian and English yelling from Karkat himself.

You open the journal despite yourself, and discover that the first date is from a little bit over a year ago.

_SEPTEMBER 12TH_

_FUCK THIS IF ANYONE THINKS THAT I’M GOING TO WRITE ‘DEAR DIARY’ OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THE HUMAN TERM FOR THIS IS. I DON’T CARE, I’M JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE LALONDE ENCOURAGED ME TO ‘VENT MY FEELINGS THAT I CAN’T SAY OUT LOUD’ HERE, AND LIKE HELL AM I GOING TO ACTUALLY ARGUE WITH HER._

_I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO WRITE IN HERE. FOR SOMEONE AS ELOQUENT AS ME, THIS SEEMS TO BE A COMPLETELY WORTHLESS OPTION. MORE LATER._

You flip a few pages.

_NOVEMBER 11TH_

_WELL, AFTER PRETTY MUCH TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT OF WORTHLESS ‘I DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT TO WRITE IN HERE’ BULLSHIT, I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT. SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO RANT ABOUT, BUT CAN’T YELL AT TO OTHER PEOPLE._

This is probably an indication that you should stop reading, but you can’t help but keep going.

_JOHN. FUCKING. EGBERT. HE DRIVES ME COMPLETELY BATSHIT INSANE, AND IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TELL HIM TO GET HIS ASININE ASS OUT OF MY DAMN BUSINESS. HE JUST KEEPS COMING BACK FOR MORE LIKE A MENTALLY UNDERDEVELOPED KITTEN THAT HASN’T LEARNED THAT STICKING ITS NOSE INTO THE CABINET IS GOING TO GET IT SLAPPED. HE WON’T STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME—IT’S KARKAT THIS, KARKAT THAT, KARKAT ‘LOOK AT ME I’M A FUCKING MORON AND I WANT YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME!’ YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST OF IT IS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT BOUNDED PAPER THAT CAN’T EVEN CONSTRUCT A RESPONSE?_

_HE’S FUCKING CUTE._

You sit back. Blink. You didn’t…didn’t expect that.

You continue to flip through the not-diary without being able to help yourself, your curiosity having completely won its hold on you. And while not every single entry in the not-diary mentions your name, a fair number of them do. And as you go on reading (your ability to read all-caps Alternian text is becoming more and more fluid by the second), it becomes more and more apparent that Karkat’s feelings for you are a bit more than ‘fucking annoying boy that’s weirdly cute.’

You see snippets of things about you that you’re sure he would never want you to see.

_“FUCKING ATTRACTIVE IDIOT.” “GIVEN HALF THE CHANCE, I WOULD PROBABLY STILL KISS HIM.” “PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING, BUT ONLY ALL THE MORE PITIABLE.” “ADORABLE.” “LOVEABLE, IN HUMAN TERMS.” “OUTRIGHT GORGEOUS, STUPID-ASS BUCKTEETH AND ALL.”_

Oh, you’re definitely blushing by now. Blushing just reading a dumb thing that Karkat wrote in a journal that _he thought you would never see so he was definitely telling the truth oh shit oh shit._

Karkat liked you.

Karkat really and truly liked you—sure, he had used the words ‘pity’ for it, but you knew enough about troll romance by now to know that that’s what it meant.

You honestly don’t know how to feel about that. Except you do—because you’ve felt this way for a long time. You want to be able to hold him. To be able to kiss his cheeks and call him cute and watch as he turns red and flips you off. You really, really like Karkat and you know that you had at one point told him you weren’t gay but that was because you _seriously_ did not hate him.

“John?”

You look up, see Karkat staring at you from the doorway of his room. Except he’s not staring directly at you, instead he’s staring down at the open book in your lap. His face turns a sort of pinkish pale shade of grey, and for a moment you’re afraid that he might rip you to shreds.

“What. The hell. Are you doing. With that?” he grits through his teeth, fangs clenched together in a controlled effort not to yell. You actually have to commend him on this- you don’t know whether you would have managed it or not if someone had looked through your diary. 

Especially if you liked said person.

Fuck, you really screwed this up, didn’t you?

You quickly shut the notebook, shoving the incriminating piece of evidence away from you (despite the fact that you are perfectly aware that this will do you no good other than to make you look guiltier). “Karkat! It’s not what it looks like, I-“

Karkat walks into the room, grabs the book. Flips it open to the page that you had been on.

“How much of it did you read?” he asks, voice uncharacteristically quiet.

“Huh?” you say incoherently, kind of confused as to why you have not been punched yet.

“So help me, Egbert, how much of this damn book did you get your grubby little human grabbing apparatuses on before I got in this block?” he snaps at you, voice raised to a more suitably Karkatian level.

You wince a little bit at it. “Enough,” you say softly, knowing what he had wanted to know if you had read or not.

“Shit,” he swears, then throws the book at the ground. “Guess this thing did no fucking good for me, did it? Because not only can I not keep my damn mouth shut, but I can’t keep a bound set of mutilated trees shut, either! Of _course_ nothing would work out for me, because nothing _ever_ works out for Karkat fucking Vantas! So of course there was absolutely no way that I could get away with ranting my feelings out in this shitty thing without getting caught. I fucking give up.”

Your eyes widen, and you’ve reached up and grabbed Karkat’s hand before you can help yourself. Karkat immediately twists his wrist so that his claws are around your own, but he doesn’t squeeze, and he doesn’t hurt.

“Karkat, I-“ you start, and he rolls his eyes.

“Save it, John. I understand that you don’t return my fucking flushed feelings, so you don’t have to pretend to be some sort of saint and ‘let me down nicely.’ In all honesty, that would just piss me off more, so how about we agree to never mention this again and-“

“Karkat, SHUT UP!” You yell, and he effectively falls silent. Wow. If only you knew shouting at the top of your lungs with an extremely legitimately pissed-off face would work, you would do it more. Except not, because you’re not easily pissed off.

But you’re pissed off now, because Karkat won’t fucking listen to you! “Karkat, shut the hell up and let me speak for once, okay?! Have you ever thought about the fact that I might not _want_ to forget about all this? About how maybe, just _maybe,_ I might actually return your fucking feelings? Because guess what, I’ve had a hugeass crush on you for at least a few months now, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this opportunity just pass by me like that!”

Karkat stares at you for a few moments. Blinks. You have successfully dumbfounded the troll. “You- what?” he asks, and you facepalm with your free hand.

“I. Like. You. As in troll pity. As in I really, _really_ wanna kiss you right now because you’re adorable and amazing and I would seriously like for you to consider letting me be your boyfriend. Matesprit.”

Karkat seems to be slowly catching on, but he’s in some state of shock-slash-disbelief. “Matesprit? You want to be…but what about your shitty gay thing?”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t hate you, dumbass. I liked you. That’s why I said that. Dumb, I know. But. Can you please give me a chance, maybe?” you give Karkat your biggest hopeful face. You’re a damn pleading puppy.

“You’re the most idiotic human I ever met, but that just makes you even more easy to pity,” Karkat grumbles at you, then swallows. “But yes. You can have. Your chance.”

You gasp in delight, wrap your arms around Karkat’s neck, and kiss him.

His tooth nicks your lip, you end up having to go get ice, but everything is completely worth it.

Looks like keeping that diary wasn’t such a bad idea after all, was it?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!


End file.
